Choices
by Jexany
Summary: They used to be parabatai and brothers, will they become lovers, too? One cold winter night, that's all it takes to change everything and Jace begins to realize what he really feels for Alec. I hate summaries, please R&R. T because it's safe then :
1. Chapter 1

I've done it! This is my first fanfiction and to be honest, I think it could be worse, but if you don't like it, don't be too hard with me :). And yes, I'm a total Jace-and-Alec-fan, but there are just not enough stories about them. So I had to chance this. There will be romance later, so be patient with me. (I'd love reviews!!)

Unnecessary to mention: I'm NOT Cassandra Clare, because if I was, I would not have to write fanfiction

Alec was standing in the library and watched the snow falling quietly, little white flakes appearing in the dark winter sky. With every breath he took, the silence outside seemed to settle down in his heart and calmed his unrest. This night it had happened again, he had dreamt of the one he loved, the one who would never be his. He had accepted this fact long ago and he was happy with Magnus, so he shouldn't still wake up in the middle of the night because of Jace.

But he did. The golden dreams kept coming back to him, torturing him with images that will never become true. Alec pressed his forehead to the cold glass and shivered. He pushed the memories of the dream away and made his way back to his room to get at least some sleep. While he turned around he saw a dark figure sneaking through the hallway, nearly invisible. If the moonlight hadn't touched a strand of gold hair he would not have noticed him. _What was Jace doing here at this time? And where was he going?_ Alec tiptoed to the entrance of the library and saw Jace waiting impatiently for the elevator. He wore hunting gear and the black colour made his blond hair stand out even more. His parabatai always remembered Alec of a golden angel, but when he was dressed like that he seemed dark and dangerous, an angel of revenge. The elevator finally arrived; Jace jumped in and disappeared out of his sight. As fast as he could Alec also put on his shadowhunter gear, grabbed a stele and a blade and followed his adopted brother into the cold darkness. Jace's footsteps in the snow lead away from the institute in a straight way, but already vanished under the new layer of snow. _At least one of us knows where we're going,_ Alec thought. He started running. Jace had about five minutes advance and that was more than enough for him to get into serious trouble. Start a fight with a whole pack of werewolves or piss off the faerie queen or get drunk as hell and riot in a mundie bar... the list went on and on. Alec had experienced all of it and not only once. He could not get Jace to stop being reckless - trying so only made it worse - so he just stayed at his side and was always ready to defend him. Not that Jace would recognize.

While he was following Jace's footsteps through the dark city it stopped snowing and the moon began to illuminate the scenery around Alec with a gentle silver gleam. He turned around a corner and found himself in a shabby yard framed by the backs of some dull grey industrial buildings without windows. In the middle of the free space, he saw his adoptive brother fight against a huge black daemon that towered over him and snapped at him with his claws. Jace laughed at its attempt to bit of his head and duck away under the claws reaching for him. Every time he saw Jace fighting two different feelings filled his heart, he was proud of how his parabatai made killing daemons look easy, almost like a game and how he turned a bloody battle into a graceful dance. The dance of combat. But he also felt his insides go cold whenever he had to watch anxiously how Jace risked his life in front of him, knowing he would not want any help.

This time it seemed to be a breeze for Jace, Alec saw that Jace could have killed the daemon almost half a dozen times, but he was playing with it. Nevertheless Alec drew his bow and aimed at the daemon, just to be sure. His support was not necessary; Jace got tired of the game soon and killed it with one fast strike of his blade. At this second a movement on one of the roofs caught Alec's attention and he frowned at the dark shadow. It jumped down and landed some meters behind Jace without any sound. "Jace!", Alec yelled and started to run towards him, letting his bow fall down to the ground. The daemon was faster. It reached Jace as he spun around and caught him off guard. Jace managed to get his seraph blade between him and the monster, but with its next strike it ripped the weapon out of Jace's hands. "Jace", Alec called again, "run! Get your ass out there!" The daemon did not look up, but held Jace's gaze, who seemed unable to move, and let one of its claws wander up and down at the blonde shadowhunter's throat, searching for the best spot to place its final stroke.

There was no time to think, Alec drew his dagger and launched himself at the monster. The impact took his breath and when he tried to stab the daemon his blade could not even accomplish the tiniest wound, it felt like he had hit stone. Before he could start a new attempt a sharp pain in his chest made him scream and he flew through the air until a wall stopped him very uncomfortably and he heard the bone of his left arm break. Alec turned his head and examined the damage. It looked bad, really bad. The monster's claws had ... deep into his side, leaving four bleeding wounds. The blood coloured the snow beneath him and filled the air with a strong, metallic scent. When Alec tried to cover the wounds with his hand, he could feel how every beat of his heart pressed more of the red liquid out of his body, as if it wanted to end the pain as fast as possible. There had to be poison in his wounds, it burned its way into Alec's chest. First it was only a slight pain, almost imperceptible, but then it increased to such a horrible agony it erased every other perception out of his mind. He did not see how Jace killed the daemon, his face a mask of horror, did not feel his adopted brother kneel next to him, wrapping his arms around his bloody body, could not see the fear in the blonde boy's face when the healing rune did not work. Could not see the tear that ran down Jace's cheek. But he heard him call his name again and again, so desperate he wanted to comfort him. With great effort Alec forced himself to speak, a mere whisper, but somehow he was sure his parabatai would hear him. "Jace, it's ok, really. It does not anymore." He smiled when he realized it was true. He could not feel any pain, the agony was gone. In fact, he felt nothing at all. A silent darkness welcomed him, caressed his wounded body with gentle hands and wraped his mind into peaceful numbness.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, I was quite fast with this chapter, but I cannot promise that I will always update this fast. And the chapter is quite short (Isn't "quite" a great word? Almost as good as "could"...) Hope you like it ; )

A big _Thank you!_ to icaughtkira and perfecttailor, my first two reviewers

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Isabelle Lightwood was sleeping; even perfection needs some beauty sleep. And while she was sleeping, she dreamt. This night her dream was exceptionally colourful and it was full of extremely handsome, shirtless guys, begging her to be their queen. She found it quite realistic; all boys reacted that way, when she wore her extra short, hot black dress. A bikini would cover more of her body. She had just spotted the hottest guy on earth and was going to kiss him, when he started to ring.

It took her some seconds to realize that the sound did not come from her dream, but from the Institute's door. She sat up in her bed with sudden worry. Visitors in the middle of the night always meant trouble, why did those things always happen when their parents weren't at home. The ringing did not stop, somehow it sounded desperate. Barefoot, Isabelle ran through the dark hallway and let the visitors in, then she lit up the room. While she heard the golden elevator make his way upwards, she took a deep breath and prepared herself for whatever emergency was awaiting her.

When the gates opened, she stared in disbelief at the blonde shadowhunter carrying something limb in his arms. Her mind refused to believe it, but the first tears already rolled down her cheeks, leaving wet marks. She ran towards them, crying. "Alec, oh by the angel, Alec, what have you done?" She looked up into Jace's face, begging him to explain. His expression was a mixture of horror, shock, fear... and guilt.

Without a word he took Alec, who was barely alive, to one of the rooms they used as hospital and put him gently onto one of the clean white beds. Then he ripped off the rest of Alec's fighting gear, exposing the deep wounds in her brother's chest. Izzy draw in a deep breath and had to look away. Jace still avoided her gaze and she got furious. "Damn you, Jace, what have you done? Do you want me to lose my older brother, too? First M... Max and now..." her voice broke and tears clouded her sight. Angrily she wiped them away. "How can you be so calm, he's dying! Don't you care at all? Answer!" He turned to face her. "Isn't he my brother, too? My parabatai, my best friend? Don't you tell me I wouldn't care, because I do! He wanted to save me. What happened is my fault. Only mine." Izzy shook her head, not wanting to feel sorry for Jace. "Of course he wanted to protect you. He loves you, although you don't deserve it." Jace flinched at these words and Izzy went on. "Whatever you did, how often you ignored him, rejected his help, it did not matter. He still loved you. More than his life. Oh, I wish you were the one dying!" With this she spun around and ran out of the room.

Jace sank into an old armchair next to the bed and watched Alec's chest raise slightly, when he took a breath. It was the only sign that his brother was still alive. He hated to sit there and watch him die slowly, but there was nothing he could do, nothing he could fight against to help Alec. In this moment he wished Hodge was here, although he had worked for Valentin, he always knew what to do, how to heal any wound. But he was dead. Just like Max. Should he lose everyone he had cared for? He refused to think about Alec as if he would die, because he would not let him go. He stared at his brother, willing him to breathe. The only thing Jace could do was being there. And he hoped it was enough.

When the first shafts of sunlight brought a new day to the Institute, Alec was still alive. Just then Jace realized that there would never be a new day in his heart if Alec died. It would be dark and cold in there. And lonely.

He was floating in darkness. It was silent and peaceful, like he was wrapped into a thick, protecting blanket, like he sat at a warm fireplace, while there was a storm outside. It was safe here. Some time later, it could have been a second or a millennium, time seemed not to matter here, he saw a light in the distance. It approached slowly –or maybe this place wandered towards the light, Alec couldn't tell – and he saw it was an angel and suddenly he knew, that this angel was the centre of the dark world. It seemed completely natural to him. "Am I dead?", Alec asked. If he was, maybe the angel could help him find Max. "You're not dead, little Shadowhunter, I caught you before you could fall. It has been a while since I saw someone as brave as you here." "I'm not brave, I'm a coward." The angel frowned at him. "But you have enough courage to tell me I was wrong, isn't that funny? I never make mistakes, believe me. Now prepare yourself, I'm going to sent you back. One day you will die for him, but not today." Then the angel touched Alec's heart, letting strength and confidence flow into him, giving him back his life.


	3. Chapter 3

A new chapter finally! It took me a while to do this, but it's not my fault. Jace and Alec just did not act the way I wanted. Boys, tzzz. So blame them *g*

There's not much action here, but enjoy.

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Gravity pulled his spirit down towards earth, back into reality. The first thing he felt was the pain of his wound cutting through his chest and theintense burning of a working healing rune, the price a Shadowhunter has to pay for a quick healing.

"I hate reality, it's way too painful. Somehow being dead was more comfortable." he murmured, not yet fully aware of his surroundings. When his words were commended by a low laugher, Alec glanced up in surprise and saw Jace sitting in the chair next to the bed. It sent a warm feeling into his stomach. It couldn't possibly be a bad sign, that it was his beloved blonde parabatai he saw first after his rebirth. He could not help but smile widely at Jace, who was staring at him in bewilderment. A split second later he embraced Alec so hard it hurt and whispered into his ear.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm so glad ..." he had to stop because his voice broke. "...I don't know what I would do without you." Alec could not think of any response, not with his and Jace's body pressed together so tightly. But only too soon Jace pulled back, so that he could look into Alec's eyes, his hands still resting on the dark haired boy's shoulders. With their faces that close Alec could not help but look directly into Jace's beautiful golden eyes, something he had avoided since he recognized the nature of his feelings for his brother, because he knew Jace would be able to read their expression, what was a positive thing for parabatai in a fight, but quite a problem when you wanted to hide secret love. Nevertheless he could not break eye contact, mesmerized by Jace's angel-like gold and amber eyes that were, for a change, not filled with sarcasm, but showed a chaos of different emotions he was not able to read. He wondered what Jace might be seeing in his eyes.

When Jace looked down in Alec's sapphire eyes beneath him, he involuntary tightened the grip at his parabatai's shoulders, feeling as he could drown in the ocean blue depths. It was as if he could see all the way down to Alec's soul, where he saw that Isabelle had been right. Alec's eyes told him he loved him, had loved him, would forever love him. The strength of his parabatai's emotion made him shiver and deep inside him he felt himself react. Like fireworks lightening up a dark sky a warm feeling filled his heart, passionate and gentle at the same time. His thoughts were racing, but he could not think clearly and he was only too aware that Alec could see all of it. Jace turned his head to break eye contact, but suddenly Alec's hands were behind his neck, pulling him down to him slowly.

When Alec put his hands on the skin of Jace's neck, he could feel the tension of the muscles, but Jace did not fight when Alec pulled him down. He smiled at Jace's face, his confusion could not have been any more obvious. He himself was surprised that he had the courage to actually _kiss_ Jace, but when their lips met, all those thoughts disappeared. At first it felt like he was kissing a statue, beautiful but unmoving.  
Then Jace reacted, kissing him back, his lips moving with experience, although he could still see the shock in Jace's eyes. He didn't want to push him too much, so he pulled back, but he did not get far. Jace's arms did not let him get away, closing the space between them, so that Alec could feel the heat of Jace's body through his T-shirt again.

Alec had to wonder: Maybe he _was_ dead and had gone straight to paradise? Well, maybe not _straight_. But then, his chest was still aching from his wounds and from the way Jace hold him tight. Not that he would complain...

Suddenly the doorbell rang, breaking the spell and Jace broke their kiss as if he was just now realising what he was doing, whom he was kissing. Alec watched while he backed away from him, his cheeks lightly flushed, his blonde hair tousled. „I have to go, the door..." he left the room, almost running, without looking at him again.

Alec stayed behind, a cold feeling in his stomach. He knew he had just crossed the unwritten boundaries between them, the boundaries that made their friendship work despite Alec's feelings. No lingering looks, no touches and definitely no kissing. But one moment of weakness couldn't destroy their friendship, could it?

His feet felt a bit clumsy but he managed to get up. The door opened and a sleepy Izzy stumbled into the room, her face lightning up at the sight of Alec awake and well and she embraced him.

"Ouch! Izzy! Not so hard!" She loosened her grip, but took his hands in hers, eyes shimmering with tears. She wanted to say something when the door opened again. It was Magnus.

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Some asked if Izzy and Jace did nothing to help Alec in the last chapter. - 1. The runes did not work, so what should they do? 2. It wasn't important for the story. 3. Ok, maybe I just forgot ... xD

I think I skip the scene with Magnus, what exactly they said and did (NOT what you think...) is uninteresting. Anyone here who disagrees? *Looking around* No, can't see anyone. *g*


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, so here's the next and last (oooooooooh) chapter, which means 1) the story ends here :( and 2) you won't have to wait for further chapters. That's a good thing, isn't it? Talking of waiting... I'm so sorry this took so long, but I just had plenty of time lately and I can't write without the pressure of school exams. Weird, but that's me. xD

**Thank you!** to my reviewers, I appreciate you more than words can tell

So... and now: Have fun! (Btw I'm still not Cassandra Clare I think)

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The cliff rose steeply like a strange natural skyscraper in the centre of New York. The city seemed not to be the place for untouched nature and indeed, no mundane has ever seen this place. Maybe it was because of this similarity with Idris that Alec Lightwood loved the place so much or maybe it was just because of its peace and silence. He had never met anyone here so he liked to think of it as _his, _his secret place. Although he stood at the very edge of the cliff he did not fear to fall. Like all Shadowhunters he had a perfect balance.

As soon as Izzy and Magnus had left his room, he had sneaked out. Their constant attention made him nervous and he had some serious problems to think about. Alone. Life was really sadistic. First he thought to be in love with Jace, but could not get him, then that soap-opera which lead to his current relationship with Magnus. And now? Like phoenix arose from ashes hope had filled his heart again. Hope that maybe Jace felt something more than just friendship.

But if it was true, whom should he choose? Jace or Magnus? Magnus was ... _special._ He was caring, definitely in love with him and the High Warlock of Brooklyn, which was convenient at times. But then, he was very sparkly and you could tell he is gay at the first glance. He liked to be in the centre of attention and he usually was. Both things Alec could not stand, but you could hardly ignore a warlock that tall and sparkly with blue magic around his hands. And then his age! 800 years were quite something.

In his way Jace was special, too. He was probably the most sarcastic Shadowhunter in history and unfortunately Alec was one of his favourite victims. On the other hand, Jace had always needed someone to believe in, in his childhood it had been Valentine, the man he had called father. Then it was the Clave and now Clary. But she was not really a Shadowhunter and she would never be. She did not understand how Shadowhunter society worked, that everybody had his place. That you knew death could come any day. And accepted it.

They say you have to let your heart tell you which path to walk, but what if it is beating so loud that you can't hear what it says? While thinking about his problems he had walked back to a tree nearby and leaned to its bark. In some way his situation was funny. _They should write a book about it_, he thought. Picturing a horde of readers laughing at his indecisiveness made him angry. He mumbled something rude and headed towards the cliff's edge again. Maybe pacing up and down would help him, although there was no reason why it should. He was only two or three steps away from the cliff when suddenly something heavy thrust him to the ground. His lifelong shadowhunter training made him fight against the aggressor without even realizing who he rolled through the snow with. At least not until he landed a well placed hit and was rewarded with a curse. As soon as he recognized the voice he stopped defending himself and let Jace pin him into the snow.

"Don't ever try that again!" Jace practically shouted at him and shook him. "Don't ever, you hear me?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to punch you, I just didn't realise-"

"Punch me? That's not what I'm talking about, you can punch me as often as you like-"

Now it was Alec's turn to interrupt Jace. "So what is it you're talking about? And would you please stop shaking me and let me get up now?" If Jace was speaking about their kiss, they could talk it over although it would be embarrassing, but Alec would not have that talk lying beneath Jace.

His parabatai ignored his protest. "You just tried to jump down that damned cliff and you dare to ask me what I'm talking about?" His voice sounded incredulous.

"Calm down Jace, I have no intention of ending my life today, or tomorrow or someday soon. And you should really know me better than that. I've been raised as a Shadowhunter, I won't run away from responsibility. I never really considered suicide an option. I came here to think about... things."

Jace loosened the grip around Alec's shoulders, but let his hands rest on top of them. "With _things _you probably mean our kiss. We should talk about that, you're right."

"Jace, let me explain. I know it was a mistake, I did not think at all. Let's just forget it, and pretend it hasn't happened. I don't want to lose you. See, you love me, but you're not _in_ love with me, I got that. I'll stay with Magnus over the weekend or maybe a bit longer and when I come back we're friends again, like before. Please."

"No, I don't think so." And then Jace bent down and caught Alec in a slow, but deep kiss. When he spoke again, Jace sounded hoarse and his voice was intense.

"You won't go back to him, because you belong to me, do you understand? You're mine!" He took in a ragged breath and shifted his eyes, not looking at Alec anymore. His next words were barely audible. "And I'm yours."

He let go of Alec's shoulders and stood up abruptly, stopping some steps ahead, his back turned to Alec, his hands clenched into fists. The black-haired Shadowhunter sat up puzzled and a bit embarrassed by Jace's confession, but he shoved these feelings away. In search for something to release the tension Alec asked the first thing that came to his mind, keeping his voice low: "I wondered, how did you find me?"

Jace turned his head to face Alec and crooked one eyebrow "You're wearing my jacket; there's a tracking rune inside." Alec flushed lightly and picked his sleeve. "Uh... I think it's soaked. Sorry." This made Jace smile. He turned around again, but now the tension was gone and he just stood there. Somehow Alec knew what to do. He stepped up to Jace from behind and put his arms around the blonde Shadowhunter. When he placed his head against Jace's shoulder, he could feel the other one shiver beneath his breathe. He closed his eyes for one moment.

"You're right, I belong to you. Always have, always will. It's your choice." He had barely finished his words when Jace spun around in his arms, grabbed him and pulled him into a passionate kiss. If there had been spectators, they all would have agreed that this kiss meant _yes. Yes! YES!_

When they parted both of them were breathing heavily. And then they just stood there for a long time, forehead to forehead, holding each other. Finally Alec broke the silence.

"Is this real?" Golden eyes stared into his, their expression serious. "I don't know. I honestly don't know, but if it's dream, I'll kill whoever wakes me up."

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Hmmm... in Word this looked a lot longer. But except my lack of ability to write something of satisfying length, what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Want some chocolate? Just tell me, I'd be overjoyed xD And ... ahmm ... yes... Review! Click that nice button down here, come on, you know you want it!


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